Diary of an Infertile: Week 2

Uncategorized

IMG_2732When I get into the second week of this journey I tend to start a back and forth routine between serenity and pure anxiety. Here’s why:

Last month I had 3 mature follicles ready for fertilization; however, my doctor prefers me to have 4-5 in order to “be more aggresive”, in other words, “Chelsea, since you suck at getting pregnant, we need 6 eggs in hopes of getting 1 to ‘take'”. That’s not how he means it, but cynicism has become my personality so…that’s how I take it. So, this month we’re adding an extra day of injections to boost my follicle size and number of follicles.

Day 7: I took my pills at 8:00 pm every day and my first shot at 8:00 pm, therefore I have to continue doing everything at 8:00 pm. The silver lining in this is that, yes, I do get to choose when I do these things, but once I choose a particular time, I have to stick to that same time for 10 days! Are you ever at the exact same place in the evening at the exact same time every day for 10 days?! If it could be the morning, that’d be easy. I can be home in the morning, but it must be the evening. Well, today is Sunday and I’m home…insert shot.

Day 8: Begin morning “shots” of: Fertility "Shot'
1 part Bragg’s unfiltered apple cider vinegar
1 tbsp probiotics
1 tbsp Flax seed oil
1 tbsp mercury free fish oil
1 splash of cherry juice (or other juice) to mask the God awful flavor and consistency of this drink I endure for about 5 days. It’s meant to detoxify my system, maintain the pH balance in my “hoohoo” and keep the endometriosis and cycsts at bay. I joke that if I had to drink monkey piss or eat guano every day to meet my baby(ies) I would.

IMG_2985

I’m out for the day running errands, but I’m home by 8:00 PM for my shot. There’s a new bruise now and my belly is extended as though I’ve eaten a super sized bag of Doritos.

Day 9: My mother comes into town to hang for a few days and wants to go shopping. The area she wants to shop just happens to be 5 minutes down the road from the studio where I’m giving a presentation at 7:00 pm so we decide it makes sense to bring my shots with us. This sounds easy, but it’s July 15 in central Texas and these shots must stay refridgerated or they go bad ($400 down the drain? I don’t think so!). My sweet husband grabs a cooler, puts in a foil bag with two ice packs and my injections, and adds ice to the top. I know he’s trying to be helpful because he feels so helpless with all of this, but I begin to sob. It’s kind of an out of body experience because my head tells me it’s stupid to cry, but my heart aches so bad that it feels as if it’s growing up into my throat and I lose all control of the corners of my mouth and my tear ducts. This evolves into “the ugly cry”. Going shopping with my mom should not involve a cooler full of meds, but it does and it has for 2+ years now.IMG_2980

Suck it up. My mom says, “Stop. We’re going to have a good day”. I’m done.

We do have a good day. We go to Chez Zee and eat quiche (eggs are good for “infertiles”), eat coconut cream pie (more eggs) and shop, shop, shop. Then we stop for a snack at Austin Cakeball and order truffle oil deviled EGGS, and split a cakeball (more eggs, lol). I’m reminded I also ate a hard boiled egg for breakfast and find it ironic that eating eggs is supposed to product eggs. Weird.

IMG_2968

7-8:30 pm I teach my class and try to speed through the information so we can end by about 8:15/8:30 because I’m running late for my injection. I do the shot in the back lounge at Heartsong Music, surrounded by changing tables, diapers, brochures for newborn photographers and mommy & me classes. My friend, Ashley tells me to “stop looking at the donuts when you’re dieting”, but yet, I’m surrounded by donuts because supporting new moms is what I do. My profession IS the “donuts”.

Day 10: I decide to leave the house this morning without the shots because I’m able to come back to the house this evening before I go back out. We go to breakfast (more eggs) and Kendra Scott (my healing place). I buy a necklace with a gold, glittery center that I don’t need to buy, but I’m drawn to the simplicity of the sparkle. Subconsciously this necklace represents the little sparkle I’m hoping for in my life. I do not regret buying it! (kind of)

Kendra Scott “Glam Rocks” collection

I’m home around 4:00 pm to begin getting ready for an event called “Bump Chat” for expectant moms and yes, I must pack my injections. I know the event will run past 8:00, but I also now there’s likely to be a refridgerator at the venue because it’s a doula boutique in a small house. Mid-event, I politely excuse myself to give the shot. I inject myself in a room where pre-natal massages and breastfeeding support takes place. The irony is not lost on me. Again, surrounded by “donuts”.

IMG_0758Most people in my position would find it hard to be surrounded by expectant moms and newborns, but I love it. Babies energize me and I know I am NOT infertile because someone else is fertile. I’ve come to terms with this suck-age that has become my life.

Day 10: (insert dramatic music here) This is the day I find out whether or not the meds have worked too much, too little, or just right. This is my Goldie-eggs day, lol. Do I have too many, too, few, or just the right amount? No lie, I can actually read my own ultrasounds now! I looked at the screen and said, “Wow, that’s usually my quiet side, but it looks like I have some big ones!” She measured 4 mature follicles and 2 that will be mature if we wait any longer before releasing. The PA says, “Great, let’s do the trigger shot and release the eggs, and do the IUI tomorrow.” I reply, “No, my husband is in Dallas. We planned IUI for Saturday?”

PA: “Yeah, but you have 4 that are ready now.”

ME: “Well, last month you wanted to be more aggressive and wait on 5-6, so I may have 5-6 by Saturday and now you want to pull back?!”

PA: “The 4 that you have are VERY big, which means there’s a higher chance they’ll take. Let’s send you to the lab and check your estrogen before we trigger the release.”

I leave the office to go the lab actually praying for low estrogen so that they’ll tell me I can wait until Saturday when Cloudy can be home. An egg does not get fertilized without the sperm; this I learned in 7th grade! We HAVE to wait!

I’m also a regular at the lab. We chit chat about my yellow pepper cold pressed juice and my hyper ovaries. T needle goes in, needle comes out. Gotta go. Thanks for the prick.

1:00 pm Acupuncture today (and every week): I feel absolutely nothing at acupuncture, but I love the eye pillow that smells like lavender, laying still in the dark for 45 minutes, and the acupuncturist who seems to “get” me. She reminds me to meditate and massage my belly every night and talk positively to myself during the 2WW (two week wait) also known as HELL.

2:30 pm AOMA Chinese Herbal Rx: I go in for a serenity blend of essential oils and castor oil. I can hardly drive home without splashing the oils in my car and relishing the calm.

4:30 pm I get the phone call letting me know my labs look good, we can wait until Saturday for the IUI (Cloudy will be home) and I’ll do the trigger shot at midnight tonight.

6:00 pm I rub my belly and massage over my liver with castor oil. This is meant to promote balance and detoxify, but it smells like fish guts. I wrap my belly in plastic wrap and submerge myself in a warm tub of essential oils and watch Sex and the City DVDs while the oil hopefully works it’s magic.

Watch a few movies in order to stay awake until midnight for my shot. I used to go to bed first, but waking up at 12:00 am after you’ve been in a dead sleep, and then stabbing yourself with what feels like a samuri sword in the middle of the night, is agony.

12:00 am Inject the “trigger shot” to release anywhere from 4-6 mature follicles. They will ovulate in 36hrs, just in time for the IUI Saturday morning.

Time to go to sleep and rest until the big day Saturday. My friend, Jade, loves to say, “Chelsea’s getting knocked up Saturday!” Here’s hoping.IMG_2645

5 thoughts on “Diary of an Infertile: Week 2

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s